Here is an entry from a chapter of my book that I've decided that I will share with you all (don't worry it's not this depressing the whole chapter or book)

1/23/’15

As I write this, I feel like my life is over : / everybody I know is getting married and having kids and I can barely learn how to take care of myself. I’m SO MAD AT MYSELF. I threw away a lot of what could have been really really good years (high school years) for the depression. I should be proud I suppose because even though my personal life is sad and pathetic right now, the one thing that allows me to remain hopeful is this book and those whom will read it.

I may feel like I want to hurt myself right now, but I Won’t because I live my life for you guys. I may feel like my life is over, but I know it’s worth living because of how much I love the idea of my readers and my love of the art otherwise known as writing.

I feel like I’m a slave to depression... like it plays me for a fool and for some reason I fall for it’s tricks every time just so it can laugh at me and make me feel like an idiot.

DISCLAIMER: OK, here’s the part where I try to be real about what’s going on in my mind right now without causing you to think that I’m claiming it would be a rational choice or that I condone these ideas I DON’T. I also WILL NOT do these things I’m about to say I have an urge to do I’m just upset right now and I’m looking for any way out...

“Hell, I feel so depressed that I want to start taking

hallucinogenic drugs just to get away from my mind and see people, animals, or things so that I won’t feel so damn alone. I won’t though because I’m

trying to live straightedge for those who read this book. Also I’ve decided that I won’t do anything that I wouldn’t recommend others do. I wouldn’t recommend that any of you take hallucinogens therefore I will not take any Hallucinogens. 

The more logical side of my brain fears it could lead to other

substances I will wind up being hopelessly addicted to. I don’t want to fall down that Rabbit Hole of drug addiction. So even though I’m feeling a bit Impulsive I will refrain and divide my attention

towards other things until I don’t feel so hopelessly alone.”

The reason I’m being real about drugs and honest with my wanting to use them is because statistically people who struggle with Bipolar Disorder are more likely to try drugs & Alcohol when they are manic (or severely depressed)

I don’t want any of you to become drug addicts or alcoholics. I also don’t want myself to become a drug addict or an alcoholic, So I’m going to try my best to make some friends and find a girlfriend so that I don’t feel so alone hence I won’t want to take hallucinogenics in order to see people or things that aren’t really there to make myself feel less alone.